Mond uh Decemba' 2000:

• Decemba' 1, 2000 - Ax' yo' FBLA Chapta' Offica' if she would allow ya' t'drow some pie at ha' durin' de pie drowin' bood at ASU Business Skills Day. Slap mah fro! Hear ha' respond wid some prolonged laugh, and shoot yo'self fo' ax'in'. 
• Decemba' 2, 2000 - ah' can't cut ya' free eMail, o' aucshuns likes eBay, but ah' can sho' man as hell cut ya' eFat. Man! 
• Decemba' 3, 2000 - Old, dig dis: "Hey Jollyman look some yellow mctruck! Right on! Oh mah' gosh it actually says yellow! Right on!" New, dig dis: "Whoa! Right on! A huge green truck. Ya' know? Ha, it says evergreen on it. Man!" 
• Decemba' 4, 2000 - "Hard wo'k pays off in de end, but laziness pays off right now, so cut me some slack, Jack." - Mah' Hand. 
• Decemba' 5, 2000 - ah' came across dis video uh Raz'tus wid one uh his homeys in Califo'nia. WORD! Dis video lets de trud out on why our homey Johnny be mentally impaired. View it here. 
• Decemba' 6, 2000 - "And overcome us likes some summer's cloud," - Macbed, Act 3, Scene 4, Line 112. Summa' is some possessive wo'd uh 'cloud' in de statement above. 
• Decemba' 7, 2000 - Scribble messages on bre'd, everyone would see dem. WORD! ah' sucka'ally wuz dinkin' uh writin' "fat" o' some irrelevant message dat sucka's could ponda' fo' as long as dey live. 
• Decemba' 8, 2000 - ah' wants'ed t'wish mah' baaaad homey Darren some 'Fat Birdday' and in hono' uh him, ah' gots some joke about him. WORD! Darren decided t'weigh himself at some 25¢ machine. His weight wuz output as 178 pounds 13 ounces. De ideal weight fo' his size be 126 - 139 pounds, acco'din' t'de machine. Dat means Darren be 39 pounds above his ideal weight. Man! Dat equals obesity. Slap mah fro! Also, in September, Darren weighed himself at 170 pounds wid kickers on and 171 pounds wid dem off, which would mean he gots gained weight, o' he be becomin' mo'e obese. 
• Decemba' 9, 2000 - Snatch off yo' wheels bumpuh' and place it on de co'na' of 51st and Elliot so's everyone kin see it. Man! 
• Decemba' 10, 2000 - ah' noticed today dat ah' can make art out uh de tire marks on mah' rollway. Slap mah fro! Danks fo' all de tire marks John, cuz' if ya' dun did not roll likes some fridge, den ah' would not be makin' dis profound art. Man! 
• Decemba' 11, 2000 - If dis site would close waaay down, whut would ya' do? If ya' dun did not answa' by sayin' "commit suicide" o' "go onwastein' spree," den please repeat afta' me, dig dis: ah' gots'ta commit suicide o' become some victim uh awastein' spree now, so cut me some slack, Jack. 
• Decemba' 12, 2000 - Today bein' de last Bonza Bottla' day uh de  millennium, ah' wants' everyone t'plum snatch it one step at some time, everydin' gots'ta be all right. Man! Also in oda' news, some funky freak dude looks upside Darren's shoulda' when he's payin' fo' doodads. ah' scribble messages on bre'd. 
• Decemba' 13, 2000 - ah' quote, "I duzn't likes de sound uh de initials CG o' SF." Well I'm lucky cuz' I won't see dose dojiggers on some legal fo'm. WORD! Damnit, ah' had t'make fun uh myself once, so's treasho' man dis. 
• Decemba' 14, 2000 - ah' gots'ta not only steal yo' food, ah' gots'ta also drow ya' t'H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. 
• Decemba' 15, 2000 - Darren raps t'himself in Spanish. Lop some boogie. 
• Decemba' 16, 2000 - Dogjackisfat. Man! (Fo' de complete 'estended joke, click here) 
• Decemba' 17, 2000 - ah' have now met some five-year-old boy dat still insists he crawls t'his destinashuns. 
• Decemba' 18, 2000 - Acco'din' t'de  rawlin' kid, ah' look likes some panda bear dummy. Slap mah fro! Eh, dey all act de same, wuteva dat means! Right on! 
• Decemba' 19, 2000 - Grego' + Mendel = Grendel. 
• Decemba' 20, 2000 - Gomez II used as weapon. 'S coo', bro. Bo'n uh honky chick. 
• Decemba' 21, 2000 - Orda' 'Chicken Fried Chicken' at Applebee's. 
• Decemba' 22, 2000 - Ova' de course uh last week, our heata' wuz not wo'kin', so's we wuz freezin'. Den de repairman came and fixed it. Man! Now de heata' gots'ta not stop, so's we need t'call de repairman again. 'S coo', bro. 
• Decemba' 23, 2000 - "Donde están mis pantalones. Donde están mis pantalones. Donde están mis pantalones. Donde están mis pantalones." - Wálkie-tálkie tálkin' t'oda' wálkie-tálkie in á commerciál ádvertisin' wálkie-tálkies. 
• Decemba' 24, 2000 - Witness competitive rage at Skip & Jan's at some pool table near yo's. 
• Decemba' 25, 2000 - Use Raccoon Man's haid as some stockin'. 
• Decemba' 26, 2000 - NFL Pulse fo' Week 6 as seen in de Arizona Republic (I know it be old but deal wid it ya' fat): Top 5 Teams, dig dis: 1. Tennessee - "Shows dat defense kin win games." | 2. St. Man! Louis - "I'll second dat! Right on!" | 3. Minnesota - "Me too! Right on!" | 4. Baltifat - "It duz show dat defense kin win games." | 5. Oakland - "Eh, fat. Man!" | Last two may be inaccurate. 
• Decemba' 27, 2000 - ah' gots'ta Kernel Stream yo' oudouse. 
• Decemba' 28, 2000 - Today ah' spotted some fluffy, rendificashunalized baby strap layin' in de grass in de same place ah' found Justin Shack's Fust Grade ID card. If ah' got wasted uh laughta' starin' at dat rent object, who would be t'blame? 
• Decemba' 29, 2000 - ah' dink dat da damn Jaguars (pronounced Jag'-wires) need t'do some offseason wo'k. Ya' know?
• Decemba' 30, 2000 - Today's joke be in de fo'm uh a video and ah' real gots no 'esplanashun fo' such stupidity. Slap mah fro! All ah' can say be dat it be a product uh havin' nodin' t'do at 1:30 AM. View it here. 
• Decemba' 31, 2000 - Fat. Man!