Mond uh July 2000:

• July 1, 2000 - ah' hate dose goldfishes cuz' dey ain't delicious. 
• July 2, 2000 - We is halfway drough dis disastrous year. Ah be baaad... 
• July 3, 2000 - ah' put da damn apable in capable. 
• July 4, 2000 - Darren put da damn at in fat. Man! 
• July 5, 2000 - Watch de credits afta' a movie. Make visit t'clunker. 
• July 6, 2000 - If ya' kin't whup' 'em, feed da bud 'em (o' plum duzn't stoop so's low t'join dem). 
• July 7, 2000 - A while ago, if ya' remember, Raz'tus wuz approached by some "little brown kid." Recently, ah' found out some kid dojiggerd "Shawn" wuz responsible fo' de crime. When ah' ax'ed who would dojigger deir Indian kid "Shawn," de dird party answered, "His real dojigger be Vinay, but his nickdojigger be Shawn. 'S coo', bro." Dat kid be a real Dampy. Slap mah fro! (De Vinay in dis sto'y gots no relashun t'de Vinay ya' know John. 'S coo', bro.) 
• July 8, 2000 - Guns duzn'twaste sucka's, de bullets do. 'S coo', bro. 
• July 9, 2000 - Today be a sad day. Slap mah fro! Google merged wid Yahoo. 'S coo', bro. No longa' can ah' say dat Google be an unpopular search engine. 
• July 10, 2000 - Simply put, Popuri be a mo'e well natured goat dat Karen. 'S coo', bro. ah' mean how kin ya' make yo' farma' likes some goat dat digs drunk while she be pregnant? John, mosey on down on, maybe Karen be mo'e attractive, but how kin ya' say no t'a goat wid pink fro and spo'tin' de dojigger Popuri? 
• July 11, 2000 - ah' wuz hopin' mah' wooin' skills in Harvest Moon would transfa' to real life. Damnit, it duzn't. Man! 
• July 12, 2000 - Ax' Raz'tus about his truck. Ya' know? 
• July 13, 2000 - Mr. Ah be baaad... Chibbitybu ax'ed me how mah' farm wuz goin'. Fo'mally, ah' responded, "Let's bod do our best. Man!" 
• July 14, 2000 - Call some sucka some irrelevant nickdojigger (i.e. kiker), and plum repeatedly call dem dat. Man! 
• July 15, 2000 - "Fuck ya'" carved out uh a metal plate pasted on some wall light in de backstage alley uh de Scottsdale Centa' fo' de Arts. 
• July 16, 2000 - So'ry fo' de profanity, mah' complaints gots risen 100%. 
• July 17, 2000 - Long, curvy farts tend t'be da damn most fake soundin'. 
• July 18, 2000 - Mah' milk 'espired today. Slap mah fro! 
• July 19, 2000 - Mah' milk's 'Sell By' date be today. Slap mah fro! 
• July 20, 2000 - Mr. Ah be baaad... Chibbitybu approached me today only t'tell me he be deceased. 
• July 21, 2000 - Alf-onzo instead uh Marco-Polo. 'S coo', bro. 
• July 22, 2000 - Cannon fodder. Ah be baaad... 
• July 23, 2000 - Alf de snare, Delma & Louise da damn tom-toms, Dampy de floo' tom, and Kika' de bass drum pedal is all uh de dojiggerd po'shuns uh my drum set. Man! Feel free t'drow in honkyfoolish dojiggers. 
• July 24, 2000 - Dere gots'ta be no joke today, as today be a real special day. Slap mah fro!
• July 25, 2000 - John's crib seems t'be da damn odd one out in de Community uh Sucka's, Rich (CPR). 
• July 26, 2000 - No'mal way t'confirm acshuns, dig dis: "Ready?" ; "Yeah I'm Eyebally. Slap mah fro!" | De Fat and Arfaic way t'confirm acshuns, dig dis: "Cannon. 'S coo', bro." ; "Fodder. Ah be baaad..." 
• July 27, 2000 - Unknowin'ly, two pancake butterflies bit mah' haid off. 
• July 28, 2000 - De pancake butterflies haunted me again. 'S coo', bro. Supposedly, ah' have some cursed Femur. Ah be baaad... 
• July 29, 2000 - Halloween max's is actually scary and funny. Slap mah fro! Go scare some fat human o' Darren. 'S coo', bro. 
• July 30, 2000 - Eat some cow, eyebrow, so cut me some slack, Jack. 
• July 31, 2000 - Beware uh peanut dust, mccookies may contain dem. WORD!